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Dedication for Randy RIP
April 2011 In this life we rarely get the
opportunity to meet someone who stands out from others. Sometimes when we do, we
often don’t see the qualities that that person has. Randy was one of those rare
people who you could not help but like and trust in an instant. He made me feel
as though we had known each other for years and yet our time as friends was all
too short. Randy was a man who faced adversity head on and he let nothing stop
him from achieving the things he did. If I could be half the man that he was
then I could not ask for more. I will always remember the
place I was when I found out that you had gone away. Fittingly I was in the
Australian War Memorial in Until we meet again my
friend...
Author
Note Most measurements in this are stated in imperial because
aviation uses imperial measurements and the second part of the book is about
travelling throughout
Where Do I Begin?
Don’t be
afraid that your life will end…
be
afraid that it will never begin…
We are
all born into this world with nothing and we all leave this world with nothing.
Conversely we come into the world alone and ultimately we leave it, alone. Yeah,
there maybe people standing around witnessing both events, but we are still
doing it on our own. No one comes crawling into the uterus to hold our hand and
show us the way out, just the same as there is no usher to show you the way out
when you are really on the way out. Someone might be yanking on your head trying
to get you to come out into the world but ultimately you are doing it on your
own. Someone else might hold your hand when you are heading west but sooner or
later they will have to let go of it and you will be on your way. It matters not
how we come into this life and how we leave it…the result will be the same. It
matters what we do with that all too often short space in between.
Around
the age of three is the time that most people can begin to recall significant
events in their lives. Some people can remember back even further than that. On
the other hand others can’t remember back that far, but for most of us our
memories reach back to around the age of three.
Do you
ever wish that you had the courage to get out there and do the things in life
that you really want to do? For whatever reason or reasons you are too afraid to
follow those dreams through. I am sure that each and every one of us can relate
to that. I know that I feel that way and think about the things I want to do
every day, but for various reasons I often don’t do anything about it. Well…
maybe that is not altogether true. I know that I have done some exciting things
in life. It isn’t and hasn’t been totally boring, but I sometimes feel like life
is passing me by and I need to use my time in a more constructive way. I think
the older we get the more we realise that some things are just not that
important.
I feel
at times that my life is like a dog’s breakfast. It is all over the place and it
won’t be all over until the last morsel has been taken away by some vulture
waiting in the wings. The dog, it seems, has more control over his meal than I
have over my life. While I obviously hope that I have plenty of time left, none
of us know what is around the corner. That proverbial bus that people often talk
about could come along at any time and run us over. On the other hand however,
opportunities are being lost as I speak! The world is passing me by and I need
to get going!
I have
been saying that to myself for most of my life. I sometimes have a dream where I
am running away from someone who scares the hell out of me. No matter how fast I
run I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I feel like I am stuck in mud or
quicksand. Life sometimes feels like that. No matter how hard we try we don’t
seem to be making any headway. It would appear on the surface that we are racing
around madly going nowhere.
What
stops us from pursuing the things in life that we really want to do? Why are
many of us disillusioned and unfulfilled by the lives that we lead? There are
many answers to those two questions but I would hazard a guess that what really
stops most of us is fear. We all have dreams and aspirations but most of us
never turn those dreams into reality. We either can’t or won’t step out of our
comfort zones to truly achieve those things that are dear to our hearts. Well…
why don’t we? What are we are afraid of? Who or what is stopping us? Don’t look
at me for the answers! If you are still reading this you know, deep down in your
heart, the answers to those questions can only be found out yourself.
Some
people lie around dreaming of doing great things. Others get up and go and do
them. I would like to think that I am one of the latter, but truth be known, I
am too often one of the ones lying around. I know for myself there are some
simple answers to those questions that I asked in the previous paragraph. One
thing I am truly afraid of is failure and being seen as a failure. I worry about
what other people might think of me and I find that is, for me, an extremely
hard thing to overcome. I am sure I am
not alone with these thoughts and I guess there are a myriad of reasons why we
have these thoughts but it can really paralyse our dreams and hold us back from
really achieving the things in life that we want to. For me personally I have
also allowed others to shape my opinions and the direction of my life. Where we
come from and the places we have been in can have a huge bearing on where we are
going.
Again I
am sure I am not alone here. As Australians we are notorious for the tall
poppy syndrome. We strive to get to the top of the heap but we resent anyone
else who does. Instead of trying to drag achievers down, we should be aspiring
to join them in the stratosphere. Whilst I am sure the view from the top is not
always what we think it might be, I am sure it is better than the view of the
hole I have had to dig myself out of from time to time. I have plenty of dirt on
my fingernails from scraping the soil at the side of the pit and plenty of
blisters on my hands from the shovel. Of course I have never really understood
the term digging yourself out of a hole. I would have thought that you
wouldn’t really need to do that. It really is that you have dug yourself into a
hole and you need to somehow climb out of it. Whatever! The predicament is the
same. Maybe sometimes I am digging myself further in? I know however, that when
you reach rock bottom there is only one way to go and that is up!
It has
taken a long time for me to shake those shackles off and start to truly believe
in myself and who I am. I sometimes think I have been dealt a lousy hand but
there is really nothing to stop me from trying to raise the stakes. I am at a
place in my life now that I am not content to accept second best. I don’t have
to accept that for myself or accept that from others. I know that I can do
better. My parents were never ones to really encourage me to shine. They were
too busy tied up in their own wretched lives and I can see now, that where they
came from has shaped the people that they are now. The trouble is that often the
cycle is never broken and the baton is passed down from one generation to the
next. They never really comprehended that their actions were not only affecting
them, but also those around them. Even to this day neither of them can really
see the damage that was done. It has taken a long time to try and climb out of
that terrible place and sometimes I feel myself slipping back into it. To all
those parents out there who are hurting their kids because of their own
selfishness, I have only one thing to say…stop doing it!
When the
end finally came for my parents’ marriage they weren’t the only ones that had to
deal with what had happened. Unfortunately myself and my siblings suffered
greatly in the fallout. As I reflect back on my life I think of the highs and
lows. The happy and the sad times. The good and the bad. For me I have seen life
as striving to get to a certain place. A place where I am truly happy and
content. I can tell you though, on many levels, I haven’t found that place yet.
Striving
to get to a certain place. What the heck is that? Is it having enough money, a
nice house? Maybe family and friends? I have realised that life is not meant to
be a struggle but a journey where we are ultimately content and truly happy.
Striving to get to some particular place can cause you to lose the real meaning
of life and sometimes life can pass us by without us realising it until it is
too late. I have seen that in my own life and sometimes I think that I have
focused on the wrong things. Material things in particular have taken my focus
away from the things that are truly important in life.
Life is
meant to be a journey, an adventure, something to look forward to every day. The
older I get the more I realise this. I for one, have been given a second chance
at life and I am consciously trying now to focus on the things that are truly
important like family and relationships. It is no use winding up with great
wealth or a nice house if you have no one to share it with. There has to be a
balance between the two and that is something that I am now striving for.
Goals
that may have been important when I was 18 aren’t anymore. Striving for material
possessions, can in many cases, end in tears and heartbreak. Most times when I
read a newspaper I see a house for sale by mortgagee auction. A feeling of real
sadness sometimes almost overwhelms me and I think of the family or individual
who has just had their dreams shattered. Their dreams are on the rocks and
everything they have worked for has evaporated virtually before their eyes. They
are real people with real emotions and feelings that have been ripped apart.
The sad thing is that as a whole, society doesn’t seem to care. We are
often stuck in a rut and it is very hard to get out of a rut. But we all must
strive to get out of rut because when it all comes down to it, a rut is really
just a grave with the ends kicked out! There will be plenty of time to rest or
sleep or whatever our beliefs are when we lay down our heads for the last time.
In the meantime we all have a life to live. So live it!
Someone
can fall down, either literally or metaphorically and most people just walk on
by. We say that we care but do we really? A wise person, also called Steve, by
the way, once said to me that we judge others by their actions and ourselves
by our best intentions. How true is that? If we are honest with ourselves
there is always room for improvement. We are all born into this world as
innocent and helpless babes who are vulnerable and need to be cared for and
loved. We have no expectations when we are born but as we grow that all changes.
The world slowly shapes us and can potentially screw us up. We need to change
that and start heading in the opposite direction, breaking off the shackles and
chains that bind us and hold us in places that we don’t want to be.
My
dreams and ambitions have fallen in a heap on numerous occasions. One day
everything is going the way I planned it all and then all of a sudden it can all
change in a split second. Murphy’s Law comes into play and things start
to unravel, but we should never let that determine the outcome of our lives. We
shouldn’t settle for second best, or for that matter, second guess ourselves.
If we do
that then we will never get anywhere. My life’s plans all came to a screaming
heap the day I had my accident. Not only was I paralysed with fear but I was
paralysed period. My legs stopped working that day and everything else changed
with it that day. For me personally my accident is the best example of that. How
amazing is that? In a split second all my dreams and aspirations evaporated. In
the course of an afternoon my life as I knew it disappeared and was gone
forever. Everything went pear shaped and the life that I had been living was
over. My own bed of roses was gone. I have watched a TV show called
Bed of Roses and the theme song says that I am lying on a bed of
roses and I wake up on a bed of nails. For me, I was lying on a bed of
roses and I woke up lying on a hospital bed. I would have gladly exchanged it
for a bed of nails any day.
In the
months leading up to my accident I truly thought that for the first time in my
life I had had some direction. I had found my true purpose, or so I thought I
had and all of a sudden it was gone. Vanished into thin air as though it had
never been.
No one’s
life is a complete bed of roses. The thorns come our way and pierce some of the
dreams that we hold dear to ourselves, but we just have to cut the thorns away
and move on to the next place. That is what life is truly all about. Being able
to take it on the chin, get up, dust yourself off and move on. We have to just
get up one more time than we have fallen down.
I drove
out to work one day, a fit and healthy 23 year old. It was the proverbial my
life has only just begun thing. I had everything going for me and everything
to live for. A few hours later I was lying in a hospital totally devoid of
anything. I was shocked out of my mind, stressed out of my head and completely
unprepared for what had just happened to me. Everything had changed and I had no
idea how huge those changes were going to be. I could not comprehend what had
happened to me or what was going to happen to me. Life was going to be tougher
now in so many ways. It would take me longer to do even the simplest of tasks
and everything would be more difficult. Absolutely everything was going to be
harder, like giving an elephant a pedicure with a nail file. Or maybe dragging a
dead horse through molasses. Why anyone would want to drag a dead horse through
molasses I don’t know, but you get my drift?
Of
course losing your dreams doesn’t only happen to individuals. Large and small
corporations lose their dreams or lose their way and go to the wall all the
time. That in turn affects all the people associated with that company and the
fallout can be more widespread than anticipated. The thing is though, it doesn’t
matter where you go or who you meet, everyone has a story to tell. And the most
amazing thing is that the best stories in the world are still waiting to be
told. We just need to know where to find them. They are not in the latest gossip
magazine or tomorrow’s newspaper. They are closer than you think and more
readily accessible than it would appear. You don’t need to look to
As the
chapters unfold in this book I want to tell not one story but numerous stories.
Some happy, some sad and some so incredible that they are almost impossible to
believe. I hope that by telling my story and by sharing the stories of some of
the incredible people I have met along the way, it will hopefully help to
inspire others. I know that they have inspired me. Just because tragedy can
strike anyone at anytime it doesn’t mean that life is over. It just means we
have to find another way through. There is always another way. It might be a bit
different or a bit strange to others, but there is always a way. This life that
each and every one of us has been given is a gift. The gift of life that we have
is precious and it is a privilege to live it.
My life
is precious and so are the lives of everyone on this earth. I want to tell not
one story in this book, but several stories. I want to tell you the stories of
some of the people I have met along this journey that we call life. I want to
share the tragedies and the triumphs, the highs and the lows. I want to show you
how these people overcame and continue to overcome the adversity that they face
each and every day of their lives. I want to show you how they have maintained
their dignity and self respect in the face of incredible circumstances. This is
my story and the story of those who have touched my life in a very special way.
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