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Introducing Michelle (Shell) Hillman Michelle Hillman known as Shell Hillman is a qualified Social Worker who
holds a Bachelor of Social Science, Diploma of Community and Human Service and
an Advanced Diploma of Counseling. Shell has been working with children and families for the past six
years. Shell, through her private practice provides counseling to children,
youth and families that are affected by separation and divorce, grief and loss
and abuse and trauma counseling. Previously Shell spent three years as a volunteer crisis counselor for
the SIDS Foundation, dealing with grief and loss for children and their
families. In 1997, Shell founded a youth scholarship scheme called Youth
Recovery 2000 for young people between 18-25 years to be trained and gain
employment in the hospitality industry. Currently Shell works for the Abused Child Trust as the Gold Coast
Business Development Officer. As an established author Shell wrote an inspirational book of short
stories and poems called Depths of Silence. This book was published on the Gold
Coast and proceeds from the book funded Youth Recovery 2000. Shell became well
known as an author and public speaker with the book selling 5,000 copies. Extensive media followed Shell’s progress and she was recognised by
Larry Anthony (Federal Member for Richmond).
Larry Anthony is currently the Minister for Children and Youth Affairs.
Shell was invited to a presentation in Canberra in 1997 to address the
Department of Education Training and Youth Affairs and received recognition for
her continuous work for youth in the Tweed Heads electorate of Richmond. Shell has a future
plan to become an established children’s author and advocate for families
covering various social issues that affect families today.
Shell can also diversify her talents to writing a series of children’s
interactive books based on the social issue of children going through family
divorce. In society today, statistics indicate that one in every two marriages
end in divorce. This has become a social problem that has impacted and placed
enormous constraints on our welfare and legal system. Parents need to consider
the psychological trauma that children experience when involved in a separation
and divorce. A sense of belonging
shapes the future existence of children in today’s society and the future of
our world. This gives us the determination to have desired goals and achieve in
a world that is plagued with insecurity and uncertainty. Assisting children to communicate and understand social issues relating
to separation gives parents the opportunity to educate and express their current
family unit. Shell has children of her own and has also experienced the many
difficulties as a sole parent. Shell has maintained her career in welfare and
has been creating resource material to assist children in counseling. “Is It
Me? Mummy and Daddy Breaking Up”
and “I have Two Houses” children on access are examples of her work. Shell has also fundraised for previous charity work with various children’s charities. Access
for Children Access
arrangements for children is one of the most critical factors involved in a
separation and divorce. Children can have
a greater opportunity of security and well being if they have access to both
parents. Particularly children who have resided with both parents prior to their
separation. Access is an
important part of your child’s emotional and physiological development. It is
important that the child experiences both parents as one can not make up for the
other. The idea of
access is to create as much normality for the child in a time of change and
confusion. Equal access is important in child rearing decisions and children
spending equal time in both parental homes is the best arrangement. Access for
children can be problematic if there is conflict between the parents. Other
issues such as logistics and coordinating the parent’s time and schedules can
also cause anxiety for all involved. Children
shuttling backwards and forwards with different rules and expectations can cause
disagreements that can arise with former spouses. Communication
with your ex-partner in regards to your child’s needs will prevent your child
from feeling insecure. Insecure
children display behavior problems and are more likely to be non compliant.
Access needs to
be promoted as a positive experience for your child instead of a negative. Help
to encourage your child to look forward to spending time with the other parent. If children have
a healthy relationship with their parents they are more likely to involve you in
their lives for years to come. If the custodial
parent supplies warmth and a stable structured environment for the child, than
the non-custodial parent can assist the child by providing finical and
physiological support to the other parent. For some couples
the hope of shared parenting is abandoned due to the parties needing to remove
themselves and create a separate identity. A typical example is women who flee
from domestic violence. In circumstances
where a child does not have access to the non-custodial parent, it is important
that the caregiver at their discretion explains to the child why they no longer
see the other parent. This helps the child to have a clear understanding which
promotes awareness and an opportunity to move forward. The parent tips
in “I Have Two Houses” are a guide to making the transition of access as
comfortable as possible for all parties concerned. The story of “I
Have Two Houses” gives some awareness of typical reactions that children
display when in a separated situation. The story promotes two children who do
have equal access arrangements. It gives examples of how the parents devote
quality time to the children and cope with a sole parent situation. While the story
is ideal, it is not a fantasy. Parents can make a conscious decision to separate
as amicable as possible. There are services such as counselors, family centres
and community groups that can assist people who are experiencing difficulties.
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