A first-time author, Darcy Allen was born in Ceylon in 1954
and is now happily married, lives in Brisbane, Australia with her husband and a
beautiful German Shepherd dog. They have no children, a decision they made many
Darcy works in the Information Technology industry and is a
successful IT consultant. She and her husband ran a successful IT consultancy
company which they downsized to allow Darcy to concentrate on her writing. She
loves her work and still works as an IT consultant, using her spare time to
focus on her writing.
Darcy intends to follow the journey of the main character
in the book through her life in another two books, forming a trilogy followed by
“spin-offs” from the families associated with the character.
Thank you to my husband, Tony, for his patience and support
while I spent all our weekends locked away writing this book. I could not have
done it without you.
Many thanks also to all my friends for the constructive
feedback on my first draft that gave me the incentive to finish the book.
Thank you also to Michael who coached and mentored me while
writing this book.
Colombo, Ceylon, 15 May 1972
I was 18 years old.
When Ricky told me that he was going to use the truth serum – sodium
pentothal – to get the truth out of me, I felt sick in my stomach. Words could
not describe the fear I was feeling. I thought about pleading with Ricky and
asking him to forgive me, but I knew that would not help. His pride was hurt,
his ego and reputation damaged. His friends would taunt him and say ‘I told you
so’. The great Ricky Cayn’s wife had betrayed him and she had to die.
I felt that this was the end of me. In the depths of my despair, I had
felt the urge to take my own life. I no longer had any hope of surviving.
I have nothing to live for anyway. This time it was my own fault,
behaving like a whore. Ricky was getting better and I ruined it.
With my mind racing and thoughts turning over and over, I came to the
conclusion that I deserved to die. After fighting for love and happiness 10 of
my 18 years, there was no fight left in me anymore.
‘So, I’ll face my destiny,’ I thought dramatically.
Fortunately, Ricky scheduled the appointment quickly so I didn’t have
to wait long for my demise that I knew would occur soon after the procedure.
The morning of the scheduled appointment dawned. Reluctant to get out
of bed, I pulled the sheet over my head and rolled into a foetal position,
waiting and hoping that there would be a disaster of some sort that would kill
Feeling the sheet being pulled down, I looked up and saw Ricky’s
bloodshot eyes. His breath still smelt of alcohol from the night before.
“I’m going out. I’ll pick you up at 9 pm for the procedure.”
I nodded, unable to speak.
Feeling sick all day, I blanked out my mind and tried not to think of
my destiny. Instead, I spent the time reminiscing about my past.
I thought about my father and regretted not having the time to get to
know him before he died. I thought about my mother and wondered why she was the
way she was. I thought about my other stepbrothers and sisters and felt nothing.
Finally, thinking about my little brother, who was now four years old, I felt
the need to say goodbye to him.
I quickly called a taxi to take me to Mum’s flat. As I entered the
flat, I saw him sitting on the floor, playing with the servant. When he saw me
enter, he ran up to me, calling my name. I almost turned around and ran away,
but I hugged him close and said, “Be a good boy.”
Mum came out of the room and after saying hello, she offered me lunch,
but I could not eat. I stayed for a while, playing with John, and left without
telling them that they would not see me again.
Back at the flat, I dressed and waited, pondering, ‘Is this how it
feels for a person going to the electric chair?’
My stomach rumbled as I had not eaten all day. I sipped some water to
stop the rumbling. I ran to the toilet at least three times with diarrhoea.
At around 9 pm, I heard the sound of a car in the driveway and said a
little prayer. The last time I’d prayed had been at boarding school when Mum had
driven away and left me there.
Please, let it be quick…
When we arrived at the surgery, I was trembling so much that my legs
were shaking. As I was unable to walk straight, Ricky almost dragged me into the
surgery and left me sitting on a bed. I was not sure why Abdul, Ricky’s brother,
had come with us but in a way I was glad someone else was there.
Abdul kept looking at me, shaking his head, as though saying “I’m
Sitting on the bed in the surgery and waiting for the inevitable, I
vaguely heard Dr Kumar talking to Ricky. Soon after, they both entered the
surgery and as Dr Kumar came up to me, I looked away, and then looked back at
him, defiantly raising my head as high as it would go, with my chin almost
“Please lie down,” he said, kindly.
Following his instruction, I lay down and turned my face away as he got
the serum ready.
Suddenly, I felt his hand touch my arm, followed by the prick of a
syringe. Almost immediately, I experienced a feeling of light-headedness, giving
way to a warm, friendly feeling. Relaxing and feeling complacent, I was eager to
respond to any questions. My fears had disappeared.
“How do you feel,” asked Dr Kumar.
“Great,” I replied.
“What is your name?” he asked.
I burst into a fit of giggles before replying, “Dhana Farook.”
“Okay,” he said to someone. “I think she’s ready. Go ahead and ask your
He stepped aside, letting Ricky move forward as he pulled a stool
closer to the bed and sat down.
I trembled as the realisation of what was about to happen dawned on me.
‘Oh my God!’ I thought, ‘they think I’m out of it. I’ll pretend.’
I thought of Dad, and how he always used to say, “She’s the smartest of
all my children.”
What he didn’t know was my resilience. I was fighting for my life now,
and I saw a small chance to save my life, for whatever it was worth, so I
decided to take the chance.
“Hello,” said Ricky. “Who am I?”
I giggled again. “You are Ricky.”
“And who am I to you?”
“My wonderful husband that I love.”
Acting now, I reached up and flung my arms around his neck, trying to
Over his shoulder, I saw Abdul and Dr Kumar staring at me.
After disentangling my arms from his neck and laying me back on the
bed, he continued.
“What did you do while I was in Pakistan?”
I giggled again and replied, “I waited for you to come back.”
“Did you sleep with Lloyd Bell?”
“No, of course not, silly.” This was true as I’d had sex with Lloyd,
but never gone to sleep with him.
“Did you sleep with Upali?” he asked.
“Nope. Can we go now? I want to go dancing.”
I looked back at Ricky drowsily. His face was turned away and I heard
his voice quietly say “Give her some more. She’s lying.”
Dr Kumar shook his head and replied, “It could be dangerous and I don’t
have the facilities here to recover if something goes wrong.”
I watched as Ricky got up from the stool and moved towards him
threateningly, and prayed that he would refuse.
Dr Kumar backed off and said, “Okay, okay, I’ll do it.”
No, no, please don’t, I screamed to myself, feeling a single tear fall
down the side of my face. I can’t keep this up… Sleep, sleep, no, no stay awake.
I looked at the ceiling and wished for a miracle as tears welled in my
eyes. Daddy, Daddy, please help me.
Suddenly, I felt a wave of strength come over me and as I looked
sideways, I saw Dr Kumar standing beside me with the syringe in his hand, moving
I stared at him, willing him not to do it, and almost choking with
terror as I said to myself, He won’t make me confess... I will survive this…
Daddy, help me please...
He looked at me almost apologetically as he administered a little more
of the drug. As I started dozing off, I heard him say, “That is it. I will not
go to jail for murder. You can have your money back.”
Fighting the drowsiness, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
He felt my pulse and I heard him say “Thank God, she is just asleep.”
I felt someone shaking me. I felt myself disappearing into the ether,
but willed myself not to fall asleep as I wasn’t sure of what I would say if he
continued the questioning.
I was fighting for my life.
“What’s the matter with her?” Ricky asked in a loud voice.
“She’s asleep. I told you this could happen if I gave her more. She
told you the truth before but you did not believe her. She will wake up in a few
Ricky kept shaking me, but I pretended to be asleep.
Ricky yelled at the doctor, “If you don’t wake her up, I won’t pay
Finally, after more yelling, the voices died down and I felt myself
being carried out. As they lay me down, slowly opening one eye, I saw the roof
of the car and deduced that I was in the backseat of the car.
When we arrived home, Ricky and Abdul carried me up the stairs and put
me to bed, fully clothed.
I felt safe now and as soon as there was silence, I looked up at the
ceiling and said, Thank you Daddy for giving me the strength I needed to
Drowsy and trying to stay awake, I contemplated my future.
I have survived this but I will not survive much longer if I stay. How
do I get away? Where do I go? I pondered as I allowed myself to drift off to