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I thoroughly enjoyed reading Change
Your Life from Ordinary to Extraordinary. This comprehensive self-help
book shows the reader how to set goals for a better and more rewarding life. Starting with your self-esteem and how confidence has to be built before
success can be attained, this book covers every issue you will need to become
the person you always wanted to be. Put simply that person has always been there
and this book gives you the key. The author writes from her personal experiences and explains the process
and techniques that have proved successful for her. The author shows how to
create a personal wall chart that will guide you to achieving your goals.
This work is well written and researched with easy to understand
techniques. There are many self-help books in the marketplace, though I believe this one will stand out with excellent and original ideas....... Leanne Saunders – Evaluator Zeus Publications
Foreword Life
will deal all of us challenges like unemployment, relationship breakdown,
parenthood, battles with self acceptance and old age.
No matter where you live or how your life seems right now I guarantee
this book will provide you with original ideas and wall charts to help you make
the life you only dreamed of until now. To
become the person you know you can be means having the necessary information to
make changes. I have written this
book with the view that we all need goals for every area of our life to be truly
happy. While some people really go
after financial success and reap great rewards some may find that in doing so
their personal life suffers. Making
the most of life means using our time effectively to allocate goals to all the
different areas in life. Ultimately
we are only capable of making life changes if we have the information and tools
for this to occur. This book shares
all the information you will need to make the dramatic transformation of your
life from Ordinary to Extraordinary. Chapter
One (Part
sample only)
Your self worth is your self-esteem Our personal criteria for our worth is different from every other person
on this planet. The
importance of how we see ourselves can never be under-estimated. Our very
existence makes us aware of how others are and how we think we should be. Right
from a young age we start gauging how we think we shape up socially, physically,
spiritually and intellectually. The criteria used for your self worth would be
different from mine for example, simply because we are so uniquely individual.
Have you noticed some people are confident and happy with themselves and even
able to overlook their physical characteristics, yet there are other extremes, a
really beautiful girl who feels ugly and unimportant, or an intelligent person
unable to communicate due to nerves and shyness? What
makes us individual is more complex than there are words to explain it. Trying
to look at oneself from another person’s perspective can also be difficult
because what we see may be quite different to what others see. I am always
curious to understand how others see me because I am then aware of how I come
across and how I am perceived. For some of us delving into who we are may be
confronting and personal. Conversely others might see self-evaluation as a great
opportunity to be clear about what they like or don’t like about themselves.
Friends
who are happy to share critical views allow us the opportunity to change certain
things which may need attention. For example, shyness in my twenties was often
misconstrued as snobbery and I would have been unaware of this without friends
telling me so. Although I was a little upset to learn that I appeared to be this
way I knew that I had a great opportunity to try and change. I have since learnt
to speak up and act more confidently for this reason alone, although it has
taken a lot of practice. Generally if one’s self-esteem isn’t too battered
we can make changes and improve our lives dramatically. Some
of you may feel too confronted by this idea but you are still making a positive
start by reading about self assessment and thinking about the possibility of
making some changes. Improving yourself also improves your whole life so it is
positive to change negative things about ourselves. Often changing negative
characteristics enables us to gain self-esteem because others are more attracted
to our more positive characteristics. Winners are more prepared to
lose
Life
deals us many experiences and circumstances, and the way we handle them has a
lot to do with our self-esteem and personality. The events we experience
throughout our lives give rise to negative and positive emotions, which
undoubtedly influence our wellbeing. Although we may want to eliminate negative
experiences, these events can often help us handle future challenges.
Ultimately, what we learn should help us recover more quickly and effectively
during future challenges and situations. I
have certainly grown immeasurably from experiences (including grief) and looking
back I can see how I have gained in the long term. When my beloved mum died a
few years ago I was very low but towards the end of the first two years I began
to sense her presence and now I feel I have her help and support 24/7. Self-esteem
is definitely affected by difficult circumstances but the impact of any event
will be far worse if we are suffering from low self-esteem. Many
of life’s experiences can be viewed through two different thought processes.
On the one hand, we can use these experiences as teachers and future guidance
or, on the other hand, we can decide we are going to be sore and sorry
permanently and therefore unable to heal. The way we view our future and the
world can be changed but many of life’s challenges will be put in our path and
there is little we can do about them. Feeling good about ourselves and seeing
the world in a positive light helps us cope with failure and unpredictable
circumstances. Choice
is the biggest contributor to our life because we all make the decisions and
keep the thoughts we live by, otherwise known as attitude. Choice is what
separates and defines our individual path more dramatically than anything else.
For someone with healthy self-esteem making goals may be the easy part. The hard
part is remaining persistent and determined to succeed. Losing a swimming race
or not reaching a desired goal result may mean a different approach next time or
making more attempts and this is a real indicator of how resilient your
self-esteem is. Winners realise they need to learn from setbacks and experiences
and then use this new information as ammunition to win next time. Winners
adopt the right attitude
Attitude
has everything to do with how people can view identical situations or tasks with
completely different beliefs or feelings. Two people can be given an identical
task and respond with opposite reactions because they view the world through
different eyes. For example if I asked two employees to vacuum the office, it
may be seen as good physical exercise for one employee while the other may be
angry that they have been asked to do this chore. If you are like the first
employee, life is more likely to deal you some positive opportunities because
you know the right attitude makes for a happier you. More than that, you
aren’t affected by negative thoughts that detract from your life. If you are
more inclined to think positively rather than negatively others will notice
this, particularly employers and those you have relationships with. Being
a winner is all about participating and having a go even if you have to push
your boundaries and risk failing. There is truth in the belief that winners are
just better at losing. Most of the time failing one objective is not really
failing because there is a lot of new information gained in the process to any
goal. Consider this for a moment, if you lose six times, you may win on the
seventh try because you are better equipped as a result of your previous
efforts. The way I see it, we need failures so new or clearer objectives can
evolve. Often our real talents only surface for the first time when we are
pursuing a goal. Sometimes pushing our boundaries can allow us to explore and
develop a part of ourselves we never knew existed. Those of us who give up on a
goal we are well suited to and talented enough to achieve, haven’t persisted
long enough to win. If we always give up, little will happen in our lives
because we suffocate these life-giving opportunities. We will lose some
self-respect when we can’t commit to anything. In essence our self-esteem
decreases if we fail to try because we
are really telling ourselves that we aren’t worth the effort. Often
it only takes one win for everything to change in our lives. A win encourages
many spin offs. Most people at the top of their profession have suffered a lot
more setbacks and knock backs than a great majority of us are willing to handle.
Often successful people make the kind of effort many of us would find daunting
and even avoid. Before making judgements and assuming that luck was a major
player in the success of anyone who you envy, look at the groundwork necessary
to create their so-called luck. Read
some biographies and autobiographies. We are all similar, what separates us is
degrees of self-esteem and the ability to find suitable goals, while also
adopting the necessary determination and a plan
to win. I read that Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen co-creators of the best seller
Chicken Soup for the Soul used a
literary agent and were rejected by one hundred publishers. Instead of giving up
they went to a booksellers’ convention in order to try and sell their work.
They were knocked back a further one hundred and eleven times before a publisher
decided to take the risk. Could you take two hundred and eleven knock backs?
Maybe your self-esteem has improved already at the thought of what some
people will endure. Persistence is the key to success more than ninety percent
of the time. Most of us give up just before we reach the goal because we don’t
persist long enough to win, or we lack self-esteem. I
feel that many projects where I didn’t achieve the success I desired were
training exercises to point me in the right direction or towards a better goal.
Few things come without effort. I believe the road to our goals helps build
self-esteem and therefore the world seems an easier place to live in. This is
certainly my experience. I have also found the process involved to achieving
anything, whether I am successful or not, is still a positive course because
I’m focused and have a definite purpose in my life. I am doing something with
my life that improves my future. Doing
something is better than doing nothing especially if you don’t have purpose in
your life. Only then do you have a chance of improving your life. You
can decide to build on negatives or positives
You
can choose not to believe in yourself by maintaining a negative self-image and
this can be very destructive. Extremely low self-esteem can even be at the core
of eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia nervosa. Excessive weight
problems that aren’t connected to medical conditions can have underlying
causes, such as low self-esteem where comfort eating becomes excessive. I
believe it’s quite common to bandage low self-esteem with some type of escape
or comfort. What can start out as a negative self-image can develop into
self-loathing when destructive habits exacerbate one’s problems. We
all have the choice to build on the negatives and disappointments of our life
which will leave us feeling isolated, or we can build on our positive
experiences and talents we have and win, win, win. What we believe about
ourselves can be summed up as healthy self-esteem or low self-esteem. In
order to build self-esteem we must encourage wins in life by setting ourselves
up for opportunities of success. This can be done by getting more involved in
life by attending courses, joining clubs, learning a sport for example, or
taking up interests with genuine commitment. One big trap we all need to avoid
is allowing boredom into our lives because this often encourages low self-esteem
and can attract negative bandaids (such as food comforts) which can increase low
self-esteem. I
live by the slogan Get active and don’t
procrastinate. Instead of hibernating from life I suggest you seek out your
special talents. I believe we are all here for many good reasons and we have
been given many abilities, we just need to seek out the opportunities. Deciding
to take action is often harder than the task itself. Stop blaming others
If
we are to take responsibility for really participating in life we may also need
to look at what’s stopping us. Our individual life experience may include
parents that didn’t particularly encourage a positive self-image or help us to
become confident adults. There may be other factors such as not having the
opportunities to pursue interests due to our parent’s financial situation. We
can all dwell on all the ‘what ifs’ and place the blame on others but
whatever our situation, the past is the past. If
you need counselling in order to resolve or understand issues that are keeping
you inactive, don’t feel ashamed or guilty. It is always necessary to move on
in your life so that you may achieve the life you want. Seeking excuses or
reasons for having a bad life by constantly blaming others and avoiding taking
action, can steal your potential life. Excuses
may suffice for years but eventually the buck stops with each and every one of
us. We are no longer our parent’s or guardian’s responsibility when we
become adults and the day we start taking positive action is the day our lives
can change forever. It would be very sad to be trapped in a cycle of blaming
family or circumstances for our lives remaining permanently unfulfilled. We all
have a responsibility to our future and a new start is just making the choice to
seek change. Put
the past in the perspective it deserves. Eventually others will see your excuses
as a cop out if they control your entire life. Sometimes it’s worth repeating
“My parents or guardians did the best job they knew how,” every time
negative thoughts set in. We are all products of the circumstance and
environment we have grown up in but we can all seek a better life with new
knowledge and the appropriate help. If
you were abused in any way my heart goes out to you and counselling may help to
find ways to heal your life. A tragic life would be one without any realised
dreams and desires, it may then seem you didn’t really value yourself at all.
Worse still it could mean someone or something destructive was given enough
power to extract your whole life from you. For those who have been tormented
with severe challenges you probably have a relatively easy road ahead. I urge
you to design a life that you deserve in spite of what you have been dealt. Rise
above those hurts and claim your goals and a great life. The influences of negative
people
Much
like blaming others, we can allow negative or destructive people to be a part of
our lives, which may make it harder to maintain a healthy view of ourselves. If
we suffer ridicule from those we share our lives with, it will be harder to
listen to positive thoughts and believe we aren’t what we have been told.
Sometimes people who are affecting us badly need to be told that they are.
Negative or destructive people need to be either eliminated from our lives
completely, or only allowed limited access to our time. Taking
action is a positive way to start building self-esteem. The very fact we can
make life changes reinforces that we do have some control over our lives. By
standing up for who we are, we show ourselves love, the very essence of
self-esteem. Remember, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of
all,” a well known line from a Whitney Houston song. The
more positive changes we can make, the more resilience we will have to
negativity. Negative people and their opinions will have less impact on us as
our self-esteem builds. In fact the better you feel about yourself the less you
will care what anyone thinks.
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